Uncertainties Overcome

            I can do this. I can do anything I set my mind to. I am powerful.  At the start of any Nordic skiing sectional race, these are the prevailing thoughts in my mind. Two years ago, however, I could not focus. I was on track to placing in the top ten finishers, and because of the anxiety and pressure, I was unable to complete the race. I was overwhelmed; my place, good or bad, could determine whether our team won the sectional title. The official announced that it was my turn to start, and I could not concentrate. My mind was running a mile a minute with incoherent and fearful thoughts. I felt like a fish out of water instead of the strong and capable skier that I was. Competitors, typically were far behind me, had begun to pass me; I started skiing frantically to drone out the negative thoughts taking over. I could not access my confidence; my insecurities surfacing.

            A year later, the nerves were even greater but I was somehow relaxed. I could do this. I was the first person to start and seeded as the fastest skier. My heart felt as though it was going to beat out of my chest. What if the wax on my skis did not work? What if the other team put on better wax? What if I fell? What if those five frantic seconds cost me the elusive section champion title? The official counted down the final seconds. The raced commenced. As I thought of the previous year, I was determined to not let it get to me accept to fuel my commitment to win. I could do my absolute best, try my hardest, have my hard work of the past few months pay off. I had earned this.

            As I neared the finish line, exhausted, I wanted to look behind me - I was unsure whether the clicking sound was from my skis pounded on the snow, or the second place girl on my heels. My throat was burning from the cold, my legs aching from the exertion. I could see the finish line; and put everything I had into those final seconds. I crossed the line, dropped my poles, and immediately turned around, expecting to see a girl right behind me. To my surprise and elation, there was no one there. The feeling that I experience in that moment was a transformation from childhood to adulthood. I put my heart and soul into that race and it didn't disappoint me. The downturn of the previous year’s race strengthened me and fueled my body and mind to win. I accomplished my goal. I was so proud of what I had done. The memory of disappointment and letdown pushed me to another level. I proved to myself I could do anything I set my mind to.

            I felt powerful, strong, mature and independent. Now whenever I am unsure of myself I remember that experience and am reminded that I can do anything I convince myself that I can do.